This Way of Life
by ThatGirlWithGlasses
Summary: Takes place in the world of If/Then (S8/E13) and continues on from there. MerDer. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

Title- This Way of Life

Author- ThatGirlWithGlasses

Summery- Takes place after If/Then (S8/E13). Continues on where the ep left off. Mainly MerDer.

Disclaimer- I don't own a damn thing, this is purely for my enjoyment and amusement.

Rating- Strong M-lots of swearing and sexy times.

...

Chapter One-

"What do you mean you're moving out?" Ellis Grey's voice was shrill with disbelief and anger.

Meredith kept her back to her mother and continued to fill her suitcase. "I found an apartment. I'm leaving tonight. I will get the rest of my things over the weekend." Her voice was steady, her tone clipped.

"The last thing you should be doing is moving out. You need to be home and focus on your career, which, by the way, is circling the drain as we speak! This 'personal time' you've been taking has just pushed you that much farther behind your peers. Between this and that 'relationship' with Karev, thank God that's over—"

Ellis kept on ranting, not noticing how her daughter's hands were clenched and she was taking deep, slow breaths.

"You're distracted. You are not focused. No daughter of mine—"

After another moment of her mothers' raving about her failing career and sham of a relationship with Alex, Meredith snapped.

"Mother, will you just stop!" Ellis stopped in mid-sentence, shocked. Because her mother was not shocked into silence very often, Meredith went on. "You are the reason I am leaving. You're right, I need to focus on my career and I need to rebuild my life, because frankly I'm a mess right now. I am hanging on by a thread and I can't deal with you! I need to get away, away from you!"

Ellis's mouth opened, but remained silent. Meredith took advantage of that small mercy, grabbed her bag, and rushed down the stairs. Richard, her step-father, was standing by the door, silent.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I can't be here right now. I won't be small around her and I won't be ordinary for her. I just won't." Meredith gave him a kiss on the cheek and opened the door before he could say a word.

...

"You're leaving, where are you going to go? This is your home!" Addison's face was tear and mascara streaked as she watched her husband pack up his things.

Derek didn't answer her, didn't even look at her. He felt cold, a bone deep numbing kind of cold that, if a patient of his were experiencing this, he would have explained away as shock.

"Derek, please… You can't leave me, not like this. Derek!" Addison was bracing herself against the door frame, one hand over her rounded belly.

It had been two days since Derek had found out the truth about the baby, two days since Mark Sloan had arrived in town. It had been two days since Derek had slept. He was tired, so tired and numb.

Addison's sobs echoed in the silent room and within Derek's throbbing head. He closed his suitcase and turned around, facing his wife. "Shut up."

Addison didn't hear him and kept crying, wiping her face seeming to fold in on herself.

The sound of her sobs grated on Derek's frayed nerves and he slammed his case down, yelling "Shut up, Addy, just shut the hell up!"

Addison choked back her cries and stared at this man, her husband, someone who she didn't recognize anymore. "Derek, we—"

"No." Derek cut her off, staring at a point above her head because he knew he couldn't look her in the eyes without doing or saying something he would later regret. "This is it. This is the last straw. The baby…" Derek shook his head, even though he had dreaded this baby with every fiber of his being, he had grown to care for it, to love it even when he didn't love the woman bearing it. But now…that door was shut. "I'm done, Addy. Call the lawyer; take it all, I don't care. I'm done."

Addison raised a shaking hand to her mouth, her face pale. Derek took her in and because he was not completely heartless, something softened, slightly. "Call Mark, or Torres, someone to stay with you for a while. I'll be at the trailer." Derek pushed past her silently and gently and stood outside of their bedroom just long enough to hear her take out her phone and start speaking to someone. He walked through their enormous house for what he knew would be one of the last times, but didn't pause to take anything in.

He had meant it when he said he was done.

...

Meredith sat at the bar, her suitcase under her stool. She had lied to her mother about having an apartment. It had been equal parts desperation to get out of that house and wishful thinking that an apartment would just pop out of nowhere, just for her. She wasn't entirely worried though, she had some cash and still a few days until she had to go back to work.

"Can I have another, Joe?" Her voice was rough as she pushed her empty glass away. She had been here for an hour and 3 small shot glasses sat in front of her.

Joe smiled sadly at her and cleared away the glasses, handing her a new glass filled with amber colored liquid and a glass of water. "You gonna be driving tonight?"

Meredith's lips twisted into something closer to a grimace than a smile. "I think I'm staying across the street tonight." She flicked her hair over her shoulder and smiled winningly at Joe, "So, no."

Joe nodded and pushed the two glasses in front of her, walking away to tend to the other customers next to her.

"Meredith."

Meredith stiffened and hastily threw the shot back, liking the way in burned through her.

"Go away, Alex."

"What are you doing? Getting wasted?" His voice was accusing and harsh, "You haven't been to the hospital all weekend."

Meredith didn't respond. Her hands were shaking now and she wanted another drink. Instead, she sipped her water almost desperately, just wishing Alex would leave. She couldn't deal with him right now.

"Mere, we've got to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about." Meredith's hands tore at her napkin, shredding it into little pieces.

Alex threw himself into the seat next to her and leaned in close, forcing himself into her field of vision.

"We can get past this, Mer, I made a mistake."

"You fucked my best friend, Alex. No, we cannot get past this." The tequila made Meredith bold and she liked it, like being able to say what was on her mind with no hesitation. She heard the door jangle as it opened above the bar noise.

Alex looked shocked at her behavior. "You're drunk. I'm taking you home." He grabbed her elbow and tried to make her stand.

"Get off of me!" Meredith's voice was loud an angry and several people turned to stare, "I am not going anywhere with you." Meredith tried to yank her arm away, but Alex held on.

"We're going outside, you need some air."

"Let her go, Karev."

Alex turned, angry at the situation, angry at Meredith, and angry at this intrusion. "Fuck off, Sheperd."

Derek had walked in just as Alex had grabbed Meredith. Taking in the situation, and looking for an excuse to take his anger out on someone, he strode up to them and shoved Alex's shoulder, making him stumble off of the stool. "She doesn't want to go with you." Derek chuckled darkly, "Not that I blame her."

At that, Alex's temper broke and he swung at Derek. Meredith shouted at them to stop as Derek shifted to the side, causing Alex to miss. Derek then swung back and his Alex square in the nose.

"Goddammit!" Alex cursed, bending and cupping his now bloody face.

"Sheperd, Karev! Out!" Joe shouted, coming from around the bar.

Meredith looked between the two men, one holding his face and then other shaking out his hand, smirking. She downed her last shot that Joe had placed in front of her while she and Alex had been arguing, threw some money on the table and followed Derek out of the bar.

"You punched him." She laughed, incredulously and maybe a little drunk.

"That I did." Derek grinned down at her. "That guy's an ass."

Meredith noticed how his smile seemed to open up his face. She didn't think she had ever seen him laugh and she had been working with him for three years. "That's what I used to say about you."

Derek laughed, "You think I'm an ass?"

"I'm staying at the hotel… Do you want to grab at drink?" Meredith didn't wait for an answer and walked away without him, her suitcase in her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-

Derek stared after her, watching her walk away. The last few days had been hell for him, but now he felt lighter, not happier, but not as numbingly depressed a he had been. As Derek walked briskly across the street to catch up with Meredith, he was vaguely aware that he was making a choice. He didn't know what that choice was yet, but he knew it was one.

Meredith was already at the bat when he caught up with her, a beer and water in front of her.

"I, uh, I don't know what you drink." She offered meekly, shrugging her shoulders and sipping the water.

"Single malt scotch." Derek nodded to the bartender, took off his coat, and sat across from her.

"Let me see your hand." Meredith had noticed how he was rubbing his knuckles and held out her own hands, her expression serious.

"It's fine."

"Oh, just let me see it." Meredith paused and smirked, "I'm a doctor."

Derek laughed again and placed his hand in Meredith's. He had laughed more times in 20 minutes than he had in as many days. Meredith's hands were warm and soft as she probed Derek's, searching for any sign of injury.

"Nothing's broken, but it looks like you'll have a nasty bruise tomorrow." She poked the reddening area around his knuckles. "You should ice it." She advised and asked the bartender for some ice as he placed Derek's drink in front of him.

Derek sipped his drink and eyed her, "Is that your official opinion, Dr. Webber?"

She laughed instead of answer, lifting her drink and gesturing towards him. Derek lifted his drink to hers and a tinny click sounded between them.

"What are we cheering to?"

Meredith downed her beer and gestured for another, "Getting drunk."

"Tell me about neuro."

Derek frowned at Meredith. The two of them were still perched at the bar, though a few hours had passed with the two of them continuously talking. He was fairly sure he was beyond drunk. He still felt numb, but he also felt alive in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. He was enjoying himself.

"You've scrubbed in with me before. Several times." Derek finished his scotch and waved away the bartender when he came to serve him another.

"No. I mean, yeah, I have. But no." Meredith was fidgeting with her empty glasses, her words slow as she concentrated through the fog of tequila to get her point across. "You picked neuro. You chose it. Tell me about it."

Derek studied her for a few moments before answering. He had worked with this woman for years, yet he was sure he had never said anything more than was necessary to her. He had always looked at her and seen Ellis Grey's spoiled daughter, nothing more. Yes, he had realized that she was a very talented doctor, but he had never dwelled on it. Now that Derek had spent hours conversing with her about anything and everything, a new picture of Meredith Grey was beginning to form in front of him.

"You want to know why I specialized in neuro."

Meredith nodded, looking eager to hear his answer.

"The quiet." Derek had a faraway look in his eyes, "Everything falls away and it's just me with my patient. There's a calm that comes over me, that brings everything into focus." He paused, weighing his next words, "Like being with you."

Meredith looked confused and carefully responded, "I make you calm?"

"Things are brought into focus when I'm with you." Derek looked at her and then chuckled, shaking his head. "It's late, very late. And I am very drunk."

His words were still swirling in Meredith's tequila soaked brain, what he had said was important, she knew, but right now she couldn't make any sense of it. She slid off of the stool, paused to make sure she had her balance, and grabbed her bags.

"I'm getting a room here." She gestured toward the help desk outside of the bar, "You should probably get a cab."

"Oh, I'm not going home." Derek scoffed and took her suitcase from her, "I might as well get a room too."

Meredith bit her lip and shrugged, heading to the front desk. The clerk smiled at the two of them and began checking them in.

"I have a king suite open for both of you."

Meredith burst out a nervous laugh, "No! I mean, not together. We." She gestured between herself and Derek. "Are not together."

"Two separate rooms please." Derek was amused by Meredith's flustering.

"Oh…" The clerk frowned. "We only have the king suite left. We're booked solid." The clerk shrugged. "There's a comic convention in town."

Meredith looked between herself and Derek. She couldn't say what made her blurt out her next words. Probably the bottle of Jose' she had downed by herself.

"We could share?" Meredith was beginning to feel nervous and clamped her mouth shut, afraid of what she might say next.

Derek looked at her carefully and weighed his options. He was intoxicated and he supposed that he could get a cab to take him back to the trailer. But, it was late and he would have to call the cab again in the morning to get his car. Sharing a room with Meredith? That was easier and less work. It made sense.

"We can share." Derek took out his wallet and Meredith gave her bags over to the bellman.

The elevator ride up to the room was silent and awkward. Meredith felt awkward and intoxicated, unable to process what was happening. She was in a hotel room with Derek Sheperd, Neuro-God. Once they entered the room, Meredith mumbled something about using the bathroom and closed the door, leaning against it.

...

Meredith didn't know what was happening or what she even wanted to happen. When she had started her internship at Seattle Grace three years ago, she had had a massive crush on Derek Sheperd. He had been the hotshot Neurosurgeon from New York and she had been in awe of him. Derek had never really acknowledged her back then, she had only been a first year, albeit Ellis Grey's daughter, but a first year nonetheless. During her second year, she had thoughts of specializing in neuro and had scrubbed in on many of Derek's surgeries. He had noticed her more then, had talked to her like a colleague. It was around that time that Ellis had 'insisted' cardio was what she would specialize in. Dr. Montgomery-Sheperd had come into town around then and Meredith had watched Dr. Sheperd, Neuro-God morph into someone they called McDreary, someone they dreaded scrubbing in for.

Meredith took a deep breath and pulled her hair out of her face. So what, she and Derek were sharing a room. They were both adults, adults with a lot of baggage, but still, they could handle whatever happened tonight.

She took another breath and opened the door, watching Derek silently for a moment. He had ordered room service and was placing the plates of sliced fruit and bottle of wine on the table.

"I didn't know if you were hungry. I figured a little sustenance wouldn't hurt." He smiled.

Meredith sat at the small breakfast nook and took some melon. Derek poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her.

"Guess we're done with the hard stuff, huh?" She asked, swirling the liquid around in the glass.

Derek chuckled and sat down across from her, studying her as she spoke. Her eyes were bright and her hands moved as she spoke.

"What are you going to do now?"

Pausing to swallow some wine, Derek looked up at her, "About my wife?"

Meredith nodded keeping her glass close to her mouth.

Derek shrugged and looked around, "Divorce her. What else can I do?" He took another swig from his glass and continued, "The baby is not mine. Obligation was the only thing keeping us together."

Meredith didn't know what to say. She was angry and hurt by what Alex had done to her, but that was nothing compared to what was going on with Derek and Addison. A marriage was destroyed. She couldn't even comprehend when he must be feeling right now.

Meredith reached out and patted his hand, figuring silence was better than any simple platitudes she had to offer. When she started to lift her hand away, Derek turned his over and gently held hers. Meredith lifted her eyes to meet his, her stomach feeling as if it had hollowed out inside of her, but she didn't pull away.

Derek didn't know what he was doing. Correction, he did know. He was doing what he wanted to do, and that was to kiss Meredith. He knew that this was probably the wrong move to make; he had just told Addison that he wanted a divorce. The child he had thought was his wasn't at all. His best friend, who was now in town, was the father of that child. Derek's life was a mess, which he knew. He also knew he wanted to kiss this woman very badly.

Derek slowly pulled on Meredith hand and she moved with it, her gaze locked on his. He met her halfway across this table and lightly brushed his lips up against hers. Her hand tightened in his as he moved his lips softly against hers.

After a moment like this, Meredith pulled back slightly, her eyes bright and her faced flushed.

"What are we doing?"

Derek tugged her to him again whispering, "I don't know," as he kissed her again.

The wine clattered on the table as they kissed, but neither paid attention. Derek let go of Meredith's hand and wove both of his through her hair, holding her to him. Meredith slid her tongue into his mouth, tilting her head so the kiss became deeper.

The table suddenly seemed like an offensive barrier to Derek and he pulled away abruptly, causing Meredith to open her eyes in confusion. Derek maintained eye contact as he approached her again, suddenly not able to get enough of her. Meredith sat on the chair silently in front of him, her hair tousled and her lips flushed. He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her close, so that she was barely seated on the chair.

"Is this what you want?" She breathed into his ear as he started to kiss down her neck.

Derek pulled back slightly to meet her half-lidded eyes, "I want you, Meredith. It's the only thing I know."

...

After they were done, Derek had coaxed her from the bathroom doorway, where she had stood uncertainly, dressed only in his shirt and her panties. He had pulled her close to him, his arms circling hers and stroking her side as he breathed into her hair.

Meredith was beginning to feel the full effects of the liquor and lay drowsily with him. She was still drunk, but felt more relaxed and at home than she had in a long time.

"Are you all right?" Derek questioned softly.

"Mmmhmm." Meredith snuggled a bit closer, her eyes heavily. "I'm happy."

"I am too." Derek answered, his voice quiet with wonder. His arms tightened around her, breathing her in. "I am too."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three-**

* * *

The smell of bacon and eggs wafted around the room, causing Meredith to stir in the large bed, opening her eyes to the bright, sunlit room. Fierce throbbing in her head greeted her and caused her to sink back into the pillows, eyes squinting closed against the pain of her hangover.

Ugh, tequila.

Slowly, as if crawling out of a dark cave, Meredith became aware of several things. One, she was not in her own bed. Two, the shower was running. Three, the button up shirt she was wearing was not her own. Meredith sat up quickly, holding the sheets against her chest and peering around the room. There was breakfast on the small table across the room. Clothing, half of which was hers, was strewn about the room and she could smell that soft smell of men's cologne on her skin.

Derek.

She had spent the night with Derek. Her colleague, a man who had only last night asked his wife for a divorce. And she, herself, was less than a week out of her engagement with Alex.

"Oh my God."

Meredith slid out of the bed, feeling embarrassed and slightly panicked. While she and Derek had not had sex, there had been large amounts of making out and touching. Lots of touching. Touching she shouldn't be thinking about now.

She paused in scooping up her clothing, listening to see if the shower was still running. It was. Meredith pulled on her pants and stuffed her feet into her boots. Throwing on her jacket and grabbing her suitcase, she quietly snuck out of the room. Meredith had enjoyed herself with Derek last night. She felt comfortable with him and thought that he had felt that way with her. It had seemed like it, at least. She was also very attracted to him and that confused her. Everything about last night had confused her. She had worked with that man for years, barely saying anything to him that wasn't work related. After last night, that professional relationship had most definitely changed and she was panicking.

Meredith stopped in front of the elevator and pulled out her phone. She didn't question what she was doing as she scrolled through her contacts list and pressed the call when she came to the number she wanted.

"Why are you calling me?"

"Yang. It's Meredith."

"I know. So, why are you calling me?"

Meredith bit her lip and peered down the hall, where she knew Derek was probably finishing his shower to find her gone.

"What are you doing, are you at work?"

"No." Cristina paused, "I work tonight."

"Can you meet me somewhere, please?" Meredith spoke again when Yang didn't reply, "I need to talk to someone."

"Ha." Cristina snorted, "You must be desperate."

Meredith closed her eyes and punched the elevator down button, "You have no idea."

* * *

Cristina was sitting at a small table by the window, looking as fabulous and as intimidating as ever. Her ink colored hair blended in with the leather jacket she wore. Two coffees sat in front of her and she laughed as soon as she saw Meredith.

"This is totally your walk of shame, isn't it?"

"Shut up." Meredith slid into the seat and grabbed the coffee, gulping it down. She snuck a glance at herself in the mirror and wanted to crawl under the table. Her normally straight and perfect hair was a curly disaster and her clothes were wrinkled. She was also still wearing Derek's shirt.

"You're not wearing a bra and it's highly noticeable."

"Oh my God." Meredith buttoned her coat back up and guzzled down more coffee.

Cristina laughed as she watched Meredith fumble around, "So what do you want?"

Meredith glanced at Cristina, suddenly wondering what she was doing.

"I really have no idea."

"Are you having some sort of crisis? This isn't going to be some heart-to-heart is it, because I'm really not in the mood." Cristina gave her haughty look. "I don't even like you."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

"We're really going to do this?" Cristina gave her a once over and sighed. "So, who'd you sleep with?"

"I didn't sleep with anybody. Not technically." Meredith protested, her voice muffled as she laid her head down in her hands.

"Yeah? Then, whose shirt are you wearing?"

"You can't say anything."

"You called me," Cristina rolled her eyes, "Besides, I don't gossip. I'm a social pariah, remember?"

"You told everyone about Alex and April."

"No. I told you about them. Everyone else just happened to be in the room as well."

"Ok, fine, whatever. Derek Sheperd."

Cristina's mouth opened and closed. "Congratulations, Webber, I'm speechless."

"What do I do?"

Cristina shrugged. "Enjoy it? I don't know. His marriage is over, isn't it? McSteamy knocked up his wife."

"McSteamy?"

"Mark Sloane. Some big-shot New York plastic surgeon. You would have seen him if you'd have shown up to work in the last week." Cristina paused, "Speaking of, are you ever coming back?"

"In a few days, yeah. Maybe. I don't know. It's not like I can go back now. I am a walking joke."

"Webber, you've always been a joke there." Cristina seemed to realize what she said and backtracked. "Sorry. That was mean."

Meredith shook her head. "No, it's true. People assume I've gotten where I am because of my mother. And, that's not entirely false; I have taken advantage of her being the chief." Meredith looked disgusted with herself and shook her head again, "God, I hate who I've become."

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. Meredith kept thinking about her floundering career and her reputation as 'just Ellis Grey's daughter'. She wanted to be more than that and show everyone that she wasn't riding along on Dr. Ellis Grey's coattails. But, it was up to her to make the change. After everything that happened between her, Alex, and April, she was essentially alone. No more boyfriend, no more best friend, nothing left to distract her from resurrecting her failing career.

Well, except for…

"What are you going to do about McDreary?"

Meredith chuckled and shook her head, "I don't know. I don't even know what he thinks of the whole thing." She peeked up from her hands, "I snuck out while he was in the shower."

"You slut." Cristina was smiling, "I never would have thought that you had it in you, Webber."

"I don't. We didn't have sex. I mean, it was close and intense…" Meredith trailed off, distracted by the memories of what Derek had done to her last night, and vice versa. She felt herself flush and continued on, "But we didn't. And, I freaked out and just left."

"Fight or flight." Cristina shrugged, sipping her coffee, "You panicked and fled. It happens. Just normal when you see him, like nothing ever happened."

Meredith felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. It was her mother calling her. Groaning, she turned the phone off and finished her coffee.

"I need to go and shower or throw up or something." Her hangover was still in full force, the sharp pounding in her temples making her feel nauseous. Remembering that she had 'moved out' of her parents and that there was no way in hell she was going back to the hotel room; she sighed and slumped over again. "I need to find an apartment."

Cristina frowned slightly, "Why?"

Meredith shook her head, "I can't live with my mother anymore." She waved her hands dismissively, "We'll end up killing each other."

Cristina looked slightly uncomfortable, her gaze out the window. "You could stay with me, I guess."

"What?" Meredith blurted out, looking skeptical, "You don't even like me, remember?"

"Yeah, well, I mean I don't dislike you. You're actually pretty tolerable when you're not acting like a snobby, pretentious bitch." She rolled her eyes and looked uncomfortable again. "Besides, rent's too much by myself. Since Izzy and Burke left…" Cristina met her eyes with an unreadable expression.

Meredith bit her lip, "You lived with both of them?"

Cristina smirked, seeming to savor Meredith's shock, "Burke and I were going to get married. After he…left, Izzy moved in. Then she got kicked out of the program, and the rest is history or whatever."

Meredith took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I hated myself for turning her in, I still do. I didn't know what to do when she told me what she was planning with her patient. With Denny. I panicked."

"Fight or flight." Cristina murmured, "You have a pattern of fleeing."

"I know. Cristina…I'm sorry for the bitch I've been."

Cristina met her eyes and nodded slightly, suddenly became animated after a moment, "Whatever. It's water over the bridge or something. That's all over with. So? We'll split rent. You're on your own for food though."

Meredith nodded, smiling tentatively, "You're serious?"

Cristina shrugged, taking a key off of her chain and handing it to her, "Just don't clean up after me and we'll be fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, I'm not much for writing any a/n's before my chaps, but after the last chapter, I wanted to throw a few things out there that might clear up some things I've been seeing in the comments. **

**1) Derek and Meredith did not have full on sex, which I assume everyone caught on to. The chapter 2 that was posted wsa a second version because the first one I wrote was much too explicit to post here, but it did answer the question as to why Mer and Der did not go all the way. Basically, and I really hate to put it bluntly like this, they didn't have a condom. The more graphic, awesome version set the tone and the scene well and if I were able to post it, I would and I feel as if we wouldn't be having this confusion, but I can't :( At least not here. I'll let you know if I post somewhere else where I can use the first version.**

**2) I noticed a lot of...backlash (which is the only word that comes to mind, but that seems a little harsh) at the fact that Mer left Derek in the hotel room and ran to Cristina. I kind of want to reiterate that this is not the same Mer and Der (or any of the other characters, really) from the show. These are different people. Meredith grew up with a whole, yet still dysfunctional, family and Derek stayed in a loveless marriage for far too long. They're not going to fall into each other's arms and live happily ever after, at least not yet. **

**It's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride with lots of ups and downs, for all of the characters, and especially Mer & Der. Hope you guys stick with me, I think you'll find it's worth it.**

**-TGWG**

Chapter Four-

* * *

It had been two days since Meredith had moved in with Cristina, two days since she had snuck out on Derek. Her 'vacation' was over and she was due to return to work this evening.

Meredith had had an impulsive few days. She had moved in with Cristina, someone who she had always thought she hated. As it turned out, she found Cristina's brash attitude and blunt honesty refreshing after years of having her ass kissed by people like Alex and April. If she didn't know better, she would have thought she and Cristina were becoming friends.

Yesterday she had gone to her parents' home to pick up the rest of her belongings and had decided that she hated every article of clothing she owned. The overwhelming pastels and sweater sets seemed smothering to her and she decided to buy a whole new wardrobe. New makeup and a new hairstyle seemed the next logical step. Darker eyeliners and mascaras paired well with the dark wash jeans and black, grey, and neutral colors that now dominated her closet. She had gotten her hair layered and trimmed, letting it fall into a natural wave that she had tried for so long to tame with her flat iron.

She looked and felt better then she had in quite a while.

Meredith had also made another change; one she was sure would not go over well with her mother. She had talked it over with her step-father because he seemed to be the only rational one in her family right now.

"Dad, this has nothing to do with you, you know that right? You are my father, you raised me." Meredith had tried to explain when she had run into him on her way into work this afternoon.

"Darling, I understand. A name is a name, but Thatcher was your father. He did love you, in his own way." Richard nodded, patting her shoulder.

"No, this has nothing to do with Thatcher. It has to do with Mom. Before I came into the program here, she asked me to take your last name. She said the staff 'would be confused by the presence of two Grey's'. " Meredith was talking a mile a minute, due to excitement and nervousness at what today would bring, "I changed it to please her, but that took something from me, Dad. I can't explain it, but Mom took something from me."

"Your mother loves you, Meredith. It saddens me that you two are having such a hard time with each other, but she loves you. She does."

Meredith shook her head, "Not as much as she loves her career. And, I can deal with that." Meredith stepped up and kissed Richards' cheek, "I want my life to be great too, Dad."

"I know, honey, I know."

As Meredith turned to walk away, Richard called after her, "You know you mother will want to talk to you about this, but a lot of other people have been looking for you too. Kepner and Alex have been asking about you nonstop. Also, Dr. Sheperd has been looking for you too."

Meredith stopped at the door and didn't turn around, "Which Sheperd?"

"Derek."

* * *

Yang was in the locker room, lying on the bench with her eyes closed when Meredith came in.

"You're still here?" Meredith asked, putting her things away and changing into her scrubs.

"Doing a double." Cristina mumbled, her eyes still closed.

Meredith was pulling her shirt over her head when she heard a familiar voice.

"Mer, you're back."

Meredith felt her stomach drop. It was April. She had been hoping that the red headed girl wasn't working today. Meredith didn't say a word as she continued getting dressed.

Nervously, April started to ramble, "I, uh, tried to call. You didn't answer. I also asked your dad about you, but he didn't tell me anything. Which is understandable, I'm sure your parents hate me now. Your mom's been putting me in the pit all week. Which is completely fine! I deserve it."

Cristina started to chuckle, now sitting up and watching the girl was dark amusement on her face.

April scowled at her, "Can you give us some privacy. This doesn't concern you."

Meredith spoke up, "She can stay. You can leave."

April looked hurt, "Mer, please, can we just talk about this?"

Meredith shook her head, "There is nothing to talk about. You were sleeping with Alex, my fiancé."

"I am so sorry!" April had tears in her eyes now and her voice was pleading. "It was such a mistake, Meredith. Please, you're my best friend, my person."

Meredith got in April's face now, her voice seething, "You fucked Alex! A friend wouldn't do that to me!" Meredith shook her head and straightened her back, her voice turning steely. "We are not friends. We are colleagues. If you have anything to say to me, you will address me as Dr. Grey and nothing else. If what you have to say does not concern a patient or this hospital, then I do not want to hear it. Do you understand?"

April was crying openly now, her face in a grimace, and her makeup starting to smear.

Cristina was smirking as she walked past them. "Don't waste your time on her, she's nothing." She jerked her head towards the door. "C'mon, we've got to start rounds."

Meredith brushed past April, who was a complete mess by now and followed Cristina out the door. She felt a smug sort of satisfaction by reducing the red head to tears, but beneath that she felt guilt. She normally wasn't an angry person and would never have treated someone this way a few weeks ago.

"Stop looking guilty." Cristina scolded her as they walked. "I won't walk with you if you look all frown-y."

Meredith laughed as the rounded the corner to pick up her charts from the nurses' station. She was about to respond when she became aware that everyone had passed in what they were doing to turn and look at her. The nurses, the other doctors, even some of the patients seemed interested in her.

"Everyone is staring." She murmured to Cristina, who stopped what she was doing to glare at them.

"Yeah?" Cristina spat, causing the nurses at the desk to return to their work guiltily, "Let 'em. Revel in it. They're all peons."

"Dr. Webber?"

"Meredith?"

Two people had called to her at once. Ellis was striding towards her from one direction and Derek was heading her way from another. They both wanted to talk to her.

"Oh dear God." Meredith moaned softly, "Seriously?"

Cristina chuckled, signed some charts and looked up. "I wonder which one is the lesser of two evils."

"My mother." Meredith turned away from Derek with a small shake of her head, hoping he'd catch her meaning and strode confidently to her mother. "Good evening."

Ellis frowned, "Don't act smug. Come to my office. We need to talk. Now."

* * *

Derek watched Meredith walk towards her mother and away from him. He had been looking forward to her returning to work because he needed to speak with her.

Dr. Yang walked toward him with an unreadable expression on her face, "Walk away, Prince Charming."

Derek frowned and turned to follow her, "Excuse me?"

Cristina turned toward him, "You do not want to interrupt that bonding session right now, believe me. She'll find you later."

"I wasn't aware you and Dr. Webber were close." Derek stated unsurely.

Cristina shrugged noncommittally and continued walking away, leaving Derek in the middle of the hallway.

When he had seen Meredith enter the room, he had felt several things that he hadn't in a long time; nervousness, anticipation, and excitement. Derek wasn't sure what all of that meant.

"Derek?"

Derek's heart sank as he recognized who was speaking to him.

Addison stood in front of the stairwell door and motioned for him to follow her.

Derek debated internally before reluctantly following her through the door.

"We're not doing this at work, Addy."

"You haven't been answering my calls." She accused, holding her rounded stomach.

"Are you surprised?" Derek retorted, leaning against the railing and looking everywhere but his wife.

Addison sighed heavily and shoved a packet full of papers at him, "Here's what you want. What you've always wanted."

Derek knew that she was baiting him and couldn't help but fall for it, "Addison, you have cheated and lied to me. You're carrying Mark's baby and you knew the whole time! What about any of that makes for a healthy marriage?"

Addy shook her head, "Derek, you haven't wanted to be a part of this marriage for a very long time." She paused and took a breath, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just thought…I don't know what I thought. I wanted to make things work."

Derek closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down. "I was not the right man for you." He said slowly, "We were never meant to work out."

Addison was silent for a moment, just looking at him. "I wanted things to work so badly."

Derek nodded. "I know." He held up his hand and gestured to the papers, "My lawyer will look at these tomorrow." Needing to get away from her, he then turned and walked down the stairs, steeling himself and not looking back.

* * *

"What is the meaning of this?" Ellis Grey spat once she and Meredith were in her office, thrusting a handful of papers at her.

Meredith sat the papers back onto her desk without looking at them. She knew what they were.

"Not that it is any of your business as my boss, but it is part of a few changes I am making to my life. And career."

Ellis looked furious. But kept her voice under control, "Changing your last name, the name you have been making your career on, is not just a simple change."

Meredith didn't say a work, just stood straight and looked her mother in the eye.

"Think of Richard!" Ellis tried, placing both of her palms on the table in frustration, "This is a slap in his face that you're taking Thatcher's name instead of his."

"Don't throw Dad into this. He understands, I've already spoken to him." Meredith spoke quietly, "This has nothing to do with him or Thatcher. 'Grey' is my last name. It's what I have known my whole life and I gave it up for you." Meredith shook her head, "You just didn't want the competition, Mom. I'm sorry, but I won't sacrifice myself for you anymore." Meredith pursed her lips and nodded to herself, "I'll see you on the floor."

Ellis watched her daughter start to walk out, speechless. She was at an utter loss at what to say when Richard walked in, followed by Mandy Bailey. Meredith's eyes widened when she saw that Bailey was wearing her scrubs and carrying a box full of her belongings. She may have been out of the loop for a few days, but Meredith new that her mother had ordered Richard to fire Bailey. As far as she knew, he had followed through with it, despite Meredith stating that it was just another example of Ellis demanding a sacrifice from him.

Or, had he?

"Excuse me." Meredith muttered, trying to maneuver her way towards the door, suddenly not wanting to witness whatever was going to happen.

"No, no." Richard touched her shoulder, motioning her to stay put. "You should be here for this Meredith—er, Dr. Grey."

Bailey shot her a questioning look but quickly turned back to the Chief and Richard.

"Dr. Webber. Mandy." Ellis's voice was ice cold, "What is going on here?"

"It's Miranda." Bailey answered shortly and with more authority than Meredith had ever seen her use in their time of working together.

Meredith bit her lip and sent a sideways look at her father, who was standing tall, looking just as powerful and as intimidating as Ellis.

"Mir-an-da." Ellis slowly, and distastefully, corrected herself before fastening her steely blue eyes on Richard, "Dr. Webber?"

Richard met her gaze without flinching, "Dr. Bailey was wrongly terminated." Ellis started to open her mouth, but Richard plunged on, "This is a teaching hospital, Chief Grey, as you remind us often. We should have shown Dr. Bailey the error in her ways, which was not speaking up during your surgery."

"Not speaking-!" Ellis was cut off by Richard again.

"As I am sure, Chief Grey, you have seen your error in not checking the chart before the patient was on your table."

Ellis fell silent at this, her features tightening. She stood up, slowly rising from behind her desk. Her glacial eyes flicked from Richard's, to Bailey's, and finally to Meredith's. She held Meredith's gaze for a moment, before looking back towards Richard.

"Go on." Was all she said.

Meredith stared, transfixed and frozen as if watching a horrible car accident in slow motion. It had been a very long time since she had seen Richard stand up to her mother like this. Usually, Richard bent and swayed at Ellis's will 'to keep the peace'. That was what he would tell Meredith time and again when she would ask impossible and improbable things of them both. Meredith had learned early on that it was usually easier to do what Ellis wanted and expected of them.

Apparently, they had both had enough of Ellis running their lives and careers for them.

"Dr. Bailey has been offered her job back, if she wants it of course. If not, we will do everything we can to get her into the hospital of her choice."

"I've authorized nothing of the sort." Ellis was speaking carefully and coldly.

"Dr. Webber and I had a meeting with the Board." Bailey interjected, her voice firm and strong in a way Meredith had never seen. "Dr. Webber spoke on my behalf and vouched for me."

Ellis's eyes fell closed for the briefest of seconds. "The Board authorized this without me." This was spoken as a statement instead of a question.

"We felt you may have a skewed view of the situation, that it may be better for the Board to make this decision instead of you." Richard spoke carefully.

Silence descended onto the room thickly and Meredith shifted uncomfortably. Ellis looked furious, but contained. She was glaring daggers at Richard while he calmly looked on.

Dr. Bailey extended her hand towards Ellis, "I look forward to being back, Chief Grey."

Ellis looked Bailey's hand as one might look at a diseased and oozing limb. "Will you excuse us? Dr. Webber and I need to talk." She addressed Meredith and completely ignored Bailey, turning her back on them as she stalked towards her window and looked at the skyline view.

Meredith shuffled out quickly, flinching as her mother erupted before she could pull the door shut behind Bailey.

"_Behind my back, Richard-!_"

Meredith paused outside of the door and looked sideways at Bailey, "What just happened?"

"Your father is an amazing man." Bailey simply said, her voice calm and confident, not muffled and uncertain as it had been in the past.

Meredith nodded slowly, "So you're back?"

Bailey nodded, her lips pursed.

Meredith chuckled softly, "We'll be the hospital pariahs together then." She smirked.

Bailey scowled, "I am not a pariah. An amazing general surgeon is what I am. And, everyone's going to know it from now on." Bailey looked Meredith up and down, "Don't know about you, yet. You've been hiding behind your parents and Dr. Karev."

Meredith frowned, "Not anymore."

Bailey shrugged, "I hope not." She hoisted her box against her hip and nodded at Meredith, "See you on the floor. Dr. Grey."

Meredith nodded, watching Bailey walk away and listening to her parents scream at one another behind the closed door. In less than a week, her life had turned upside down. She had gone from Dr. Meredith Webber, only known as 'The Chief's Daughter' and 'Karev's Girlfriend' to Dr. Meredith Grey. She wasn't quite sure who this new Meredith was. She was single for the first time in year, living her own, and without a big circle of friends. She was more or less alone.

Except…

There was Cristina, who she was living with, who she seemed to get along with, and actually enjoy being around. Had Meredith been asked two weeks ago about Cristina Yang, she would have laughed condescendingly and made some remark about Yang's past relationship with Dr. Preston Burke. But now? Now, she would say that Cristina was someone she trusted.

And, there was also Derek Sheperd…

At that thought, Meredith pager went off, informing her that she was needed for a 911 in the pit.

All of her worries of her parents, the staff looking at her, and her situation with Dr. Sheperd instantly shattered around her as she took off, feeling the familiar adrenalin course through her body as she went to do her job.

**-I promise this is the last a/n, ugh, I hate that I have 2 in the chapter. But, quick thanks to the couple of guests and wantmerder2wed for your reviews! I was able to reply to everyone except you, so THANKS! :) Also, I have been updating everyday, but I'm going to try slow myself down a little to give me more time to write and review everything. I'm a few chaps ahead, so updating should continue to be fairly regular, just maybe not everyday. I'm really excited for everything and hope you guys are too.**

**-TGWG**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five-

Eight hours later, Meredith was sitting alone in the darkened cafeteria, sipping her large cup of coffee in fresh blue scrubs. After the 911 page, she had been called into emergency surgery to help Dr. Nelson clip an aneurysm. There had been complications, which had lengthened the procedure dramatically. This was the first moment of peace and quiet that Meredith had had all night.

"Mer."

Swallowing her coffee, which had suddenly formed a lumped in her throat, she opened her eyes to see Alex standing in front of her. Setting her coffee on the table, Meredith crossed her arms and met his eyes, unflinching.

"You uh… You look good." Alex stammered, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Alex looked like hell, a fact Meredith noted smugly. His nose was swollen, colored purple, and the skin around his eyes was a sickly yellow with bruising that was slowly healing. Derek had really done some damage to him. Beyond that, he looked exhausted. His eyes were tired and anxious looking, like he was wired on too much coffee and not enough sleep. "Something's different…your hair? Your makeup?" Alex paused and sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know, whatever it is, you look hot. I mean, you've always looked hot…"

"Apparently not compared to April." Meredith's voice was as sharp as a razor.

Alex looked like she had punched him, his expression going slack for a second before launching into another tirade. "Mer, please, just let me explain. It was nothing. She was nothing. I never loved her, it wasn't about that."

"So, it was just sex."

"I-Meredith… It just happened."

"Don't expect me to think that was the first time with her, Alex. And we both know that she wasn't the first girl. I seem to remember your fondness for nurses."

A flash of anger crossed Alex's features, "That was different, Mer! We got past that." He paused, seeming to remember that he was still in the wrong and became contrite again. "I made a mistake, Mer. A lot of mistakes. I can admit that. But, I love you."

Meredith laughed bitterly, "Yeah, you loved me so much that you cheated on me with my best friend." Meredith hissed, her voice echoing raggedly in the large, empty room. "You and April were with me every day. Except, of course, when you were sneaking away to fuck me over. Literally." Meredith was standing now, so angry that she felt her head spinning. "How long has this been going on?" She asked softly, her voice empty.

"Mer, I so sorry." Alex looked like he wanted to cry, his face was red and his eyes looked glassy. "I was an idiot, I—"

"How long?"

Alex looked defeated. "Her first week here." He lifted his arms in a helpless shrug, "We had a fight, I think. Or you were working a lot…I don't know. It was during a rough patch we were having. She fell in love with me."

"And you?"

"I love you." Alex looked desperate, stepping towards her, "Meredith, I want you. We were going to get married. I still want that."

Meredith started to laugh then and couldn't stop. "I'm sorry." More laughter. "It's not really funny. At all. You've been sleeping around on me, throughout our whole relationship…and you still want me to believe that you wanted to marry me? Clearly I wasn't enough for you. I have never been enough."

"I-I would have stopped. I was going to break it off with her."

"More lies." The laughter stopped. "You've never told me the truth, have you? It was all a lie. You've told me this before, remember? The first time I caught you with someone else. That nurse. Olivia."

"Mer—"

"No." Meredith held up her hand, as if to shield herself from him. "This conversation is over. Everything is over. So freaking over." She grabbed her coffee and reached into her pocket, pulling out the engagement ring that she had worn for less than 24 hours. She flung it onto the table, listening to it clatter on the surface as she turned and walked away from Alex. As soon as she cleared the doors into the stairwell, Meredith burst into frantic laughter. She couldn't stop. It was the kind of laughter that made her hold her stomach and bend over. Meredith didn't know how long she stayed like that; leaning against the wall, giggling like a lunatic and it was only when she realized she wasn't alone that she stopped.

"You've finally lost it, haven't you?"

She glanced up to see Avery on the stairs above her, looking at her with both amusement and slight worry.

"You knew, didn't you?" Meredith asked softly after a moment.

Avery pursed his lips and sighed, coming down the stairs to lean against the wall next to her.

"About Karev and Kepner? Not for sure, but I had my suspicions."

"Couldn't have dropped me a hint?" Meredith asked with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry." Avery did look sorry. "But Kepner was with me at Mercy West… There's a loyalty there, or something, I don't know."

"Yeah. I get it." Meredith nodded. And, she did understand. She and Avery weren't close. It wasn't Avery's fault that Meredith hadn't picked up on all of the signs, again. The flirting, the maybe-too-close-for-comfort friendship that Alex and April had had, and the way that April had always subtly been on Alex's side, not matter what. It had been like that last time too, only with the red-headed nurse. April was a red head too; it looked like Alex had a type.

"Are you…ok?" Avery asked hesitantly, as if he weren't sure he was stepping over a boundary or not.

Meredith scoffed softly and shook her head, looking up at him. "They say something about hindsight? Hindsight's always right?"

Avery smirked, shaking his head. "That is definitely not what they say."

Meredith waved her hands, "Whatever. I'm just saying that it was obvious, just like last time.

"But?" Avery prompted. He had picked up on Meredith's hint that this wasn't the first time Alex had slept around on her, but wisely chose not to comment on it.

"But…I wanted to believe him, so I chose not to see what was happening. I wanted to be enough for him." She sighed, pushing herself up from the wall. "I liked Alex… I cared for him and we've been together for a long time. We've been through a lot together, I thought that that was enough."

"Liked?" Avery asked incredulously, "You were going to marry the guy."

Meredith laughed again, but it didn't match the look on her face. She looked lost. "This didn't destroy me. I am hurt and angry, furious even." She paused, trying to find the words she wanted to say. "But, I'm not that surprised. I mean once a cheater, always a…whatever. I should be devastated, crying myself to sleep every night. I should miss him, right? Maybe even want him back? But I don't. I don't…" Meredith shook her head, trying to clear it. "I'm not destroyed over this."

Avery met her eyes, sizing her up carefully. "You didn't love him." It wasn't a question.

"I-I don't know? I think I did, once, when we were first together. But after the nurse… I cried that time, a lot. For days." Meredith grew silent, her eyes narrowed. "What does that say about me? That I went back only for it to happen again?"

Avery thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "I think it says more that you've been with him this long and didn't love him."

Meredith leaned against the wall again, sighing heavily. "This is getting too deep for me." Her words were striving for a joking tone, but she only sounded tired. "I need some tequila."

Avery smiled then, clapping his hand down on her shoulder. "I'm off now; want to go to Joe's? I'll buy."

Meredith shook her head, shrugging his hand off. "I'm on until the morning. Go have a shot for me though." She started to go up the steps and paused. "Avery? Thanks."

"No problem. Oh, and the He-Sheperd was looking for you earlier. Told me to tell you he'd be in his office unless he's paged. He's on call tonight."

* * *

**R&R please :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six-

It took Meredith over an hour and a half to work up the courage to make her way to Sheperd's office. He was on the same shift as she tonight and had been asking for her since she had stepped through the door this yesterday evening.

For most of the day, Meredith had been so busy that she had forgotten what had happened between them a few nights ago, now it was all she could think about. Though she had been very intoxicated, Meredith could remember exactly how it had felt to touch and kiss him. He had been gentle and passionate, making sure she had been on the same page as him. He had made it very clear that he had wanted her that night. She had shown him how much she wanted him in return.

Meredith had worked with Derek Sheperd for years. He had arrived shortly before she started her internship. She knew that he had been specifically requested by Richard and that Ellis had never been entirely on board with him being the head of Neuro. Meredith could vaguely remember him as being funny and charismatic during his few months here; once upon a time, he had been dubbed 'McDreamy' by the female interns of her year. That hadn't lasted very long though. His wife had followed him to Seattle Grace a few months later and Ellis had hired Addison with an enthusiasm that Meredith has rarely seen her mother show for any of her coworkers.

Meredith didn't know the details but had heard through the grapevine that Addison and Derek had been having problems in New York before he transferred to Seattle. He had left her, presumably to start a new life, when she had followed him and somehow they had gotten back together. In the years between Meredith's first year and now, she had caught glimpses of how Addison and Derek had acted as a couple. More often than not, she would see them bickering quietly in an empty exam room or the stairwell. Or, ignoring each other completely. Somewhere along that line, though, Derek underwent a personality change that lead to his current nickname, 'McDreary'.

And now, he had left his wife again. Most likely for good.

And, he was asking for her, following their racy, tequila-fueled night together.

Meredith didn't know what to make of the whole thing and she was freaking out.

She would be lying if she said that she hadn't enjoyed herself immensely with Derek. He had charmed the pants off of her, quite literally. She had felt something with him that she hadn't in a long time, if ever. Meredith had felt a spark between them…that was the only way she could explain it.

A half an hour ago, Meredith had been sitting in an on-call room with Cristina, who was pretending to be asleep.

"What should I do?" Meredith asked, not for the first time.

Cristina lay on the bottom bunk, her face buried in the pillow, "I'm sleeping."

"No you're not. If you wanted to sleep, you'd be at home. You're just waiting for the next big surgery."

"Ugh." Cristina groaned, flipping to face her, "And? You should be doing the same, not obsessing about the Neuro-God."

"Cristina, I am freaking the fuck out!"

Cristina rolled her eyes, "Over-dramatic much? Seriously, just go up there. Bring him coffee or something. He'll find you eventually. And, if you're going to have you're hot attending/resident sex, it should be while your mother is not in the building."

Meredith ignored her, looking at her hands, "What if he regrets everything? What…if it wasn't good for him?" She asked softly, in a rush.

Cristina swallowed the smart-ass retort she was about to spit out when she saw the look on Meredith's face; anxiety and fear. "Listen to me Grey, he's not going to think that. Derek Sheperd is not the type to play a girl. He is serious about everything he does; he wouldn't have been with you if he hadn't wanted too, ok?"

Meredith nodded and stood up, not saying anything.

"Besides," Cristina went on, not being able to help herself, "I'm sure your blowjob skills were more than enough to impress him."

"Cristina!" Meredith grabbed a pillow off of the chair she had been sitting in and threw it at the other doctor, but she was smiling.

"Just pay attention to how he addresses you." Cristina advised as Meredith started to leave, "If it's all 'Dr. Grey', than he means business, ok? Pay attention!" She had bellowed as Meredith shut the door.

And now, here Meredith was, standing just outside of Derek's office with two steaming coffee in her hand. She had also made a pit stop for the locker room to refresh her mascara and untie her hair.

Meredith took a deep breath and maneuvered both coffees into one hand, knocking office door.

"Come in!" She heard Derek call from inside.

Meredith straightened her back and pushed the door open, standing awkwardly in the doorway for a few seconds.

"Yes?" Derek asked without looking up.

"You've been asking for me?" Meredith stated stupidly, inwardly kicking herself.

Derek looked up quickly, a smile spreading on his face as her looked at her, "Meredith." He said softly, standing up and gesturing her to come inside.

Meredith relaxed a little at the use of her name, remembering what Cristina had said. "I-uh, I brought you some coffee." She said, motioning towards the extra cup she held.

Derek walked around his desk to take the coffee from her. As he passed her, Meredith caught a whiff of his cologne and was taken back to the night in the hotel.

"I'm surprised you came to see me." Derek remarked, pulling Meredith from the porno-style memories replaying in her head.

Her cheeks growing hot, she sat down in the seat in front of his desk and shook her head at him, "I'm sorry?"

"You ran out. The other morning." Derek explained somewhat haltingly, leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah…" Meredith nodded, sipping her coffee in an attempt to think of something to say. She had spoken to him so easily the other night, why was it so hard now? "Fight or flight!" She blurted out, her mind-to-mouth filter seeming to be nonexistent.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked, leaning forward and looking more than slightly amused.

"Fight or flight." Meredith repeated almost defensively, "I'm learning that I have a tendency not to do well with high-stress situations in my personal life." She tried to explain. "I don't really fight, or whatever, I kind of…" She trailed off with a shrug, sipping her coffee.

"Flee." Derek finished for her, seeming to be taking her seriously. "So…it wasn't what happened? I mean, with us…" Derek looked frustrated and vulnerable as her tried to get his thoughts out. "I mean, it was good? For you?"

Meredith laughed before she could stop herself.

For a moment, Derek looked crushed before she barreled on.

"Good? Derek, it was incredible."

His face warmed back up and he looked relieved as he gazed at her. He reached out, as if to grab her hand, but grabbed his coffee at the last second. They both just sat there for a few moments, looking at each other and lost in their own thoughts.

"I watched you today." Derek finally said. "Your surgery."

Meredith nodded, thinking back to earlier today. She hadn't looked up into the gallery, too thrilled and focus on her surgery to be distracted. "It was a good one."

Derek smiled thoughtfully, "You were incredible. The way you handled the situation with the aneurysm, you should have been leading that OR, not Nelson."

Meredith lowered her head and chuckled. It was no secret that Dr. Nelson and Derek didn't get along. Nelson was often known as 'Shadow-Sheperd'.

"I'm serious, Meredith. I know I haven't been the best teacher or co-worker these last few years, but you've got a talent for neuro."

Meredith shifted uncomfortably, "I'm going into cardio." She stated softly, apologetically.

Derek set his lips into a line. "I know." He sighed and went on, carefully. "Torres wants Yang for cardio."

Meredith stood up suddenly and went to the window, looking out at the darkened skyline. "I know." She answered thickly, her eyes suddenly burning.

"Hey." Derek was suddenly behind her, close but not touching her. Unsure. "Meredith…"

"I know!" Meredith said again, turning to look at him. Her eyes were bright and her face was flushed. "Torres never wanted me for cardio, I know. I'm not good enough. Cristina is better than I am, but my mother…"

"Meredith." Derek grasped her by her shoulders to quiet it. "That's not it at all. You are brilliant. I've seen you work cardio, as well. If you wanted to continue with this, you would make it and you would be among the best. You would rival, if not surpass, Yang and Torres. It's the passion, you've got it for neuro. I saw it today."

Meredith looked back on her surgery from today again. She could remember the calm and confidence she had felt as she had worked inside of her patients' brain. It was something she had never felt with cardio. Yes, she was confident in her skills as a cardiothoracic surgeon, but it didn't excite her. Not the way she had been excited today.

"What are you saying?" Meredith asked him, well aware that he was still touching her and that she had almost cried in front of him.

"I want you to work with me." Derek stated simply, squeezing her shoulders before releasing her reluctantly. "I have an idea for a clinical trial, for Alzheimer's patients. I've submitted everything and should hear back soon."

"You want me?" Meredith asked disbelievingly.

Derek nodded silently.

"I… I mean, of course I want too, but how?" Meredith was suddenly flustered, as Derek was standing very close to her and she could still smell his damn cologne.

"How?" Derek parroted back.

"Derek. We… You saw me naked." Meredith sputtered.

"You saw me naked."

"We did…things. There was a lot of…things…going on." Meredith's hands were motioning as she spoke ad Derek was smirking at her. "It's not funny."

"Speaking of things…" Derek murmured as he pulled something out of his lab jacket pocket and tossed it to her. "This may belong to you."

Meredith caught the flimsy black thing he threw and her eyes widened as she recognized her lacy bra from the other night. "Oh my God, Derek!" Her eyes were wide and he was laughing. "This was in your pocket all day?"

Derek didn't answer, just continued to laugh at her. She started to huff away when he caught her arm. Meredith was suddenly eye-to-eye with the man she had been thinking about nonstop for the past few days. She felt her heartbeat stumbled and her stomach stop.

The way he was looking at her…

* * *

"The other night was not a mistake to me." Derek said suddenly to Meredith, feeling as if he absolutely had to make her understand that.

She nodded slightly, her eyes wide as she looked up at him. "Me either." Her voice was breathy.

"I wish you hadn't left. " Derek whispered, his thumb stroking her hand.

"I flee." Meredith stated quietly.

"Don't." Derek sighed suddenly. "This is all crazy, isn't it? We barely know each other, but I don't want you to… You can talk to me. You don't have to flee from me."

Meredith nodded silently, pulling her hands away from his and backing up a few steps. She ran her hands through her hair as if to clear her head and Derek was struck by the sight of her again. It boggled his mind to think that he had been working side-by-side with her for years and was only now truly noticing her. And, now that he had, there was no way to see her in any other light.

The past few days, he had been struggling to remember if it had been like this with Addy, if their early relationship had been this whirlwind of feelings. He remembered being slightly in awe that she, a stunning city girl, had chosen him and amid the stress of their internships, he had fallen in love with her. But, it hadn't been like this, quick and powerful and almost all-consuming.

He didn't love Meredith, he couldn't. He barely knew her. But…he was sure he felt _something_ for her. Something…strong and unrelenting.

"What are we doing?" Meredith suddenly asked, her hair tousled from her thoughtful ministrations. "I mean, Derek… What the hell are we doing?"

Derek furrowed his brow as he struggled to answer. "I like you, Meredith. I like spending time with you. That other night, the nakedness none withstanding, I was happy. I have no reason to be happy, but being with you that night, I was."

"I think…" Meredith started carefully, after taking a moment to consider his words, "I would like to work with you on the trial. But, the rest of it…" She trailed off and Derek had the horrible realization that he had put it all out there too quick, that he was scaring her off, that she didn't feel the same.

"Oh. I understand." Derek could feel himself shutting down again, backing away.

"No!" Meredith sputtered, rushing forward to stand close to him, "That's not what I meant, Derek. We both have a lot going on. My life is a mess. And, you, Derek, you just left your wife. And, I know, you told me it was over for a while, but still, you lost a family." Meredith grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her. "We have a lot of issues to sort through. I don't want that to taint whatever this is." She finished in a rush, gesturing between the two of them.

Derek didn't know what to say because, quite frankly, she was right. There was so much going on, but he felt _something_ with Meredith. He didn't know what that something was, but he was terrified to let it slip away from him after all of the unhappiness he had been through.

"Derek," Meredith reached up and gently nudged his face to turn towards her fully, making him see her. "I like you too. And, it's kind of freaking me out."

A small chuckle burst from Derek's lips as he leaned into her hand, nodding slowly.

"So what do we do?" He asked, giving her the power to decide this.

Meredith sighed, shrugging her shoulders, "I don't know. Wait a while? We could be…friends." She finished, somewhat lamely.

Derek laughed again, warming up to her. "Like, friends that have seen each other naked? Naked friends?"

"Oh God." Meredith blushed and pushed him away, "No. No more nakedness. Not until we sort through our things, our issues." She paused for a moment, thinking. "We should probably have rules if we're going to be working together."

"Like what? Derek asked wearily.

"No touching." Meredith answered immediately. "No pressure. We're friends. We're getting to know each other." Meredith said, almost as if she were trying to convince herself.

"Friends." Derek repeated, rolling the word and its' connotations around in his head. Friends with Meredith? It was a good start. Derek agreed that they both needed some time to get their shit together, him more so than her. He had to wrap up this ordeal with Addison, finalize the divorce, and move out of the house they had shared together. He also needed time to heal. Finding out that Mark was the father of the baby had wounded Derek, deeply.

Looking at Meredith as he considered, he could see that she was having a hard time too. Though he hadn't been paying attention to her and her relationship with Karev, he was aware that they had been engaged. Ellis seemed to be riding Meredith hard as well.

They both just needed time. Time to heal and to get to know one another. Though Derek was slightly frustrated that they would be unable to act on their obvious attraction to one another, a little time could only help.

"All right then." Derek nodded, flashing a winning smile at her. "We'll be friends. Shake on it?" He held his arm out to her.

Meredith eyes him warily. "No touching, remember?"

"Just shake my damn hand, Meredith."

"Fine." Meredith sighed, rolling her eyes and grasping his hand in hers.

Derek smiled "To being friends."

Meredith beamed back, moving her hand with his. "And coworkers."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven-

Derek was early.

Sitting in his beat up Land Rover, he surveyed the parking lot and didn't see Addison's car. He was a good ten minutes early and couldn't bring himself to go up yet. He could see his lawyer's sports car a little ways away, but didn't want to sit and make small talk with the impeccably suited man who charged him entirely too much.

Today was the day.

Addison had had her lawyer call him last night, asking to meet today to finalize their separation, their divorce. Derek had felt relief last night. It was all finally about to be over. He could get on with his life and his career. He could start to pursue this fledgling relationship with Meredith.

The relief that he had fallen asleep with had been nowhere to be found this morning. Today he had woken up and felt lost. As soon as he had opened his eyes, he had felt a sadness so heavy, he had postponed all of his morning appointments and spent the morning out on the lake, thinking.

He thought about Addy.

He and Addison had been married for thirteen years. They had been together for two years before that. Fifteen years he had spent with that woman. The first half of their relationship had been happy, Derek could remember being happy with her. But, as they had dominated their respective fields, they had lost each other. Derek had grown disillusioned with his private practice and his highfalutin lifestyle. He had grown to hate the extravagance that Addison had started to demand of him and their marriage. For years, he had felt as if their marriage was contained in a glass box, where they both had to be perfect for each other and those watching at all times.

At one point, Derek had recognized that his marriage was in trouble, he saw the signs. He noticed that he and Addison never talked to each other anymore; rather they talked at one another. It had become as if they were strangers that happened to live together and share a bed. He had done nothing to fix the situation. He had naively, and perhaps lazily, presumed that this was something that all couples went through and that it would pass.

It didn't.

When Richard Webber had called Derek with a job offer, Derek had accepted the position without discussing it with Addison. Derek had been at the end of his rope and had assumed Addy would stay in New York. She hadn't. Addy had followed him, suddenly bound and determined to save their marriage. Derek had thought it was working, for a few months at least. He had thought he would be able to fall in love with her again and when it didn't happen, he became even more distant than before.

By the time Addison had become pregnant, Derek was done with everything. He was unhappy in his professional and personal life and truly thought that this was the way it would be for the rest of his life. Addison had become little more than a habit to him. They still shared a bed, still slept together sporadically, but all of the emotion, all of the love that should have accompanied it, was long gone.

And, though Derek had been unhappy for the better part of a decade, when he had awoken this morning, he had felt a sense of loss.

Movement out of the corner of his eyes broke his reverie and he looked up to see Addison slowly making her way into the building. She was walking with the slow waddle that every pregnant woman seemed to acquire. Feeling an obligation, Derek jumped out of his car and rushed to her, offering her his arm.

"Oh! Derek." She was startled as she looked up at him but slowly took his arm. "I thought you'd be upstairs already, anxiously waiting my arrival." Her voice was flat with sarcasm.

"Addy." Derek warned. "Please, don't."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not feeling that well today. I shouldn't take it out on you."

"Are you ok? Derek asked, out of concern or habit, he couldn't tell.

"Just a headache and heartburn, a few of the many gifts of pregnancy" Her tone was sarcastic. "It's not your problem though." She said simply, pulling away from him as they came to the conference room where their respective lawyers sat. "It's now or never, I suppose."

Derek sat next to his lawyer and Addy next to hers. The next hour and a half was a mess of papers, negotiating, and signatures. Derek had never really thought of all of the material things that they had amassed during their marriage. There were three houses, multiple cars, artwork, stocks, and the list went on and on. Finally, Derek had had enough.

"I'm done." He announced irritably. "I don't want any of this." He looked at Addison. "You know I never cared about the paintings and I hate the brownstone."

"Derek," Addison sounded exhausted. "We should really go over the rest of this."

Derek shook his head. "All I want is the trailer, the land, and my cars. The rest of it, I don't care about."

"Dr. Sheperd," His lawyer interjected. "If you sign the rest of it to Dr. Montgomery, you will be passing up a considerable amount of monetary value."

"I don't need the money!" Derek snapped.

"And the post-natal paternity test?" Addison's lawyer asked, "You're still demanding that?"

"Yes." Derek's face turned to stone.

"Der…" Addy murmured, looking hurt. "I've already told you…"

"Addison, leave it alone." Derek met her look.

"Dr. Montgomery, the paternity test is just a formality." Derek's lawyer broke in.

"You think I would go after you for money or support?" Addison cried, upset. "Derek, what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"A woman who fucks her husband's best friend and passes off the resulting pregnancy as her husbands for seven months, that's what kind of woman I think and know you to be, Addy." Derek spat out cruelly.

The color drained from Addison's face and she sat perfectly still for a moment. She then gathered herself and as gracefully as she could, rose from her seat and collected her things. She leaned forward, scribbling her signature on the last page and thrust it at the attorneys.

"Give him what he wants, we're done here." Her voice was thick with tears and her eyes were bright as she hurried out of the room.

Derek swore, hastily signing his own paper and following after his, now, ex-wife.

"Addison, wait!"

She ignored him and kept walking, "Leave me alone, Derek."

"Addy, I'm sorry." He apologized, catching up to her and walking her to her car.

"No you're not!" Addison blew up, tears leaking from her eyes. "If you have the courage to say it, have the courage not to take it back! It's not like what you said wasn't true." She laughed miserably. "Jesus Derek, what happened to us, how did we get here? We were 'Addison and Derek', now look at us."

"I don't know, Addy."

Addison shook her head sadly, wiping the tears from her face and smearing some of her makeup. "I'm sorry for whatever part I played in this, Derek. I know I messed up and I'm sorry."

Derek leaned against the car and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry too."

"God." Addison scoffed. "Thirteen years. And, for what? What do we have to show for it?"

Derek didn't say anything, but a small part of him felt happy that he wasn't the only one suffering from this.

"We loved each other, once, didn't we? I'm not imagining it? We once had something really good?" Addison's voice was heartbroken as she questioned Derek without meeting his eyes, as if she were afraid that she had in fact imagined everything.

"Once." Derek spoke softly, the sadness that he had awoken with pressing down on him even heavier. "We were happy."

Addy nodded, seeming to agree with his answer. "Good luck, Der." Addison spoke softly, gazing at him sadly. "I hope you find what makes you happy."

Derek turned away as she got into her car, his eyes starting to burn. He still cared for Addison and suspected he always would. Such a large portion of his life had been spent with her…

As Derek walked back to his car, he was finally able to identify the feeling that he had woken up with.

Grief.

* * *

Meredith was not having a good day.

It had been a week since she had shaken Derek's hand in his office and a surprisingly good one at that. She had lain low, scrubbing in on whatever surgery she could and generally avoiding her mother's disapproving gaze at every chance possible.

Today, though, today was different. Alex and April were both working with her on her double shift and the whole situation was completely miserable. Alex, being the Chief Resident, was doing everything he could to make her life hell. He had apparently moved past remorsefulness and barreled straight into anger and resentment at her for not forgiving him. So far, in just the few hours she had been working, he had been delegating first year work to her, like scut, charting, and covering the pit. He had effectively barred her from the O.R. for the duration of her shift.

And then, there was April. The girl kept staring at her remorsefully and almost tearfully from afar but wisely kept her distance.

There had been a only few worthwhile moments when Derek had found her on his way out, cajoling her into getting coffee with him. But, even those had gone downhill quickly.

"Take a break with me." He whispered as he crept up behind her where she sat at the nurses' station, filling out her charts.

Meredith had jumped at the close proximity of his voice and swiveled around in her seat to face him. She smiled up at him, catching the strange look in his eyes.

In the week since they had met in his office, they had worked together only a few times. She had scrubbed in with him once and spent the rest of their time together going over the paperwork and layout of their clinical trial. It had been nice, working with him. They had upheld their 'No touching/No pressure' bargain, casually flirting, and genuinely getting to know each other on a personal and on a professional basis.

That's not to say that it wasn't hard. Meredith was extremely attracted to Derek and not being able to act on that attraction was hard at times. There were moments when she would be thinking of nothing else than kissing him, no matter what they were doing. Meredith thought Derek was feeling the same. There were times when he would look at her and the weight of his gaze would seem to swallow her whole. Those looks often happened while they were working together, with other people around, and Meredith would be convinced that everyone around her knew what was going on between the two of them. Because of this, she was also starting to think of future implications of any romance they might start. It was making her feel anxious and, strangely enough, guilty.

"I can't, Dr. Sheperd." Meredith answered carefully, casting a sideways glace across the desk to the other side of the ward where Alex stood, conferring with another doctor and shooting Meredith dark looks. Then, she added in a low voice, "Alex has been riding my ass all day, he's got me on scut."

Derek looked up to where the other male doctor stood and smirked. "Hmm. Good thing I outrank him then." He said to Meredith, then gesturing to Alex, he called, "Dr. Karev! I'll be borrowing Dr. Grey for a little bit. See to it that her charts are taken care of in the meantime."

Alex excused himself from his conversation and strode over to them. The bruising that Derek had caused to Alex's nose was all but gone, but Alex had not forgotten. "What do you mean 'borrowing' her? She's needed here." Alex openly challenged the older and higher-ranked man, still angry at Derek for hitting him.

Derek stood straighter, narrowing his eyes at the younger doctor, "Just what I said, Karev. Is there some sort of problem that I'm not aware of?"

Meredith opened her mouth to try and diffuse the situation when a new voice interrupted.

"Karev, you heard the man. You've got more than enough interns here to cover Dr. Grey." Bailey was walking toward them, looking fierce, which seemed to be her new demeanor. In the week she had been back, she had gained a new nickname; The Nazi. She had made sure that no one spoke over or challenged her anymore. Karev was no exception, obviously still flustered over his colleagues' manner.

Derek nodded at Bailey, shooting Karev triumphant look, and started to walk away, leaving Meredith no choice but to follow.

"Of course, Ellis Grey's daughter gets special treatment." Karev spat out quietly as Meredith passed him.

Meredith tensed, but said nothing. Her annoyance turned into anger as she followed Derek. She didn't need this, didn't need Alex having another reason to punish her for not forgiving him.

"Derek, stop." Meredith stopped walking and waited for him to face her. "You can't do this; you can't give me special treatment."

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked, standing close to her so that they wouldn't be overheard.

"This!" Meredith cried, motioning around them, "Using your Neuro-God-Attending status to get me to get me out of scut work."

Derek looked confused and Meredith had a feeling she was overreacting, but couldn't help it. She was just starting to get her career back on its feet without her parents help or influence and she was deathly afraid that whatever was going on with her and Derek would affect that. She wanted to make it on her own, not coast along on her parents' coattails and definitely not on Derek's.

"Meredith…" Derek looked lost for a moment, before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the empty on-call room across the hall and locking the door behind him.

Meredith opened her mouth to argue with him when he shoved a folder that she hadn't even noticed into her hands.

"I just got back from a meeting with my lawyer. Addison and I met with them earlier. I just…I couldn't wait to tell you." He explained. "I wasn't trying to give you special treatment. I just needed you to know." He finished earnestly, making Meredith wilt a little.

Meredith pursed her lips and opened the folder silently. If it wasn't some sort of hospital paperwork, she probably wasn't familiar with it, but she was able to recognize these for what they were.

Divorce papers.

"Derek…you went today?" Meredith's voice was questioning, "You didn't tell me you were going." She stated, not accusingly.

Derek shrugged as he watched her expression carefully, "I wasn't sure what would happen today. These things can take a while…" He trailed off lamely.

Meredith felt a flash of surprise. With Derek officially divorced, that was one less thing that he had to deal with. It was one less issue for them to resolve.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "That's great! Right?" She pulled back a little, remembering what this meant. These were the papers that solidified that Derek had lost the life he knew. A wife and a child that he had thought was his. "No, not great." She answered herself, rambling now, "God, I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry Derek, I just meant that it's over, you know? Now you can start moving on—"

Derek didn't say anything, just pulled her to him and kissed her. Meredith tensed for a moment and then lost herself into the kiss, dropping the folder onto the ground and twining her hands around his neck and into his hair. Derek turned them both around so that Meredith's back was pressed into the door. In return, Meredith tilted her head and opened her mouth, pushing her tongue deeper into his mouth and deepening the kiss.

Derek moaned and pushed against her, hoisting her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist. Meredith broke away for air as Derek started to move down her neck, lavishing the tender area. Meredith gasped softly and her eyes opened, staring hazily around. The folder of divorce papers came into focus and Meredith felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown over her.

"Derek… Derek, no touching, remember?" She protested feebly, so wanting to lose himself in him.

"Wha-?" Derek met her eyes, his own glassy with want and something else. Something more desperate.

"Wait, we should stop." Meredith breathed, placing her hands on his shoulders to keep him at bay.

"Mer, it's over. I need this." The desperate look in his eyes deepened, "I need you."

Meredith brow furrowed and she slid off of him, walking around him and several steps away, needing some distance. "Derek, we have time. This doesn't have to be rushed."

"I need to feel something, Meredith." Derek's voice sounded hollow and broken.

He looked at her as if she had all of the answers and it was overwhelming her.

"Not like this." Meredith protested, feeling torn between desire for him and a need to protect him. "Derek, I don't want this it to be empty."

Derek laughed darkly, "I spent the last 7 years of my life living in emptiness. This is anything but empty." He gazed at her imploringly, willing her to understand. "The way I feel towards you… I feel like I'm alive again. I feel like there's a purpose to everything again. Don't you understand? I _can't_ let this slip away too."

"I'm not going anywhere, Derek." Meredith tried to convince him. "I'm right here. I'm waiting. I want this, whatever it is, with you. But, I need it to be right. There can't be anything between us, any obstacles." Meredith felt frustrated that she wasn't able to convey herself more clearly. "Derek, do you understand what I'm trying to say?" She questioned him, almost frantically.

Derek was looking at her steadily, as if he were studying her, looking for any cracks in her words. He finally nodded and slumped into the chair beside him, looking drained.

Meredith approached him cautiously, placing the packet of papers on the table next to him. She knelt to his eye level and forced him to meet her eyes.

"I'm not saying never. We're just not there yet. I'm not ready." She nodded as she spoke; wishing that dejected look in his eyes would go away.

"I know." Derek murmured, rubbing his face. "I'm sorry. It's been a shitty day,"

Meredith noticed that Derek looked ragged. His hair was a mess, as if he had been running his hands through it all day, and the stubble that covered his cheeks was thicker than usual, indicating that he hadn't shaved in a while. There were dark circles under his eyes that Meredith hadn't noticed before and she wondered what else was going on with his, what he wasn't telling her.

"I know." Meredith whispered, leaning forward and kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Hey." Derek protested lightly as she pulled away. "You broke the 'No Touching' rule."

Meredith chuckled. "You get a freebie. Look, I've got to get back to work. Go home, try to get some rest."

Derek shook his head and slumped further into the chair, his eyelids drooping.

Meredith sighed and looked at him for a moment, feeling her heart tighten. "I'll try to find you when my shift is over, ok? We'll talk more then."

Derek didn't respond and she wondered if he were asleep. She opened the door silently and was about to leave when he called to her.

"Thank you, Meredith."

She smiled tightly as she closed the door, noticing that April was stand down the hall, staring at her. Meredith knew that April had watched Derek get her out of scut work and also knew that the red-head had been able to see Derek in the on-call room. Meredith also knew that she looked rumpled and mussed because of her angst-ridden, impromptu make-out session with Derek. April was a smart girl and Meredith knew exactly what conclusions the girl was jumping to.

"Shit."

This day sucked.

* * *

**Thanks for all of the reviews/favorites/followers so far! You guys rock.**

_**R&R**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"She knows."

Cristina scoffed at Meredith as they walked together, checking on their respective patients. "Knows what? There's nothing to know."

"There's a lot to know." Meredith protested. "She knows I left with him, then saw me come out of the on-call room all ravaged-looking. April had to have seen him before I closed the door."

Cristina rolled her eyes and waved Meredith's words away. "Did you bang him yet?"

"No!"

"Exactly my point. Until there's penetration, there's nothing to know."

"Jesus, Cristina."

"You know it's true." Cristina shrugged, shuffling through her charts.

"You're exhausting." Meredith stopped in front of room, peering at the paperwork attached to the door. "Lucille Ball? Seriously?"

"It's that chick from a few weeks ago, the coke fiend?" Cristina answered, shoving her chart into Meredith's hands. "We cracked her chest. She lived."

"Oh." Meredith answered, reviewing the chart. She attempted to hand it back to Cristina to no avail.

"Uh-uh. You take it. I am done with her."

"Why?" Meredith asked suspiciously, peering into the patient's room.

"She's got an attitude and I have had it up to here with her. You'd think she would be grateful that we're letting her stay here after that stunt she pulled with Avery." Cristina looked fed up. "Please, just take her. I'll owe you."

Meredith glanced sideways ate her friend, "Pick up dinner and tequila on the way home?"

"Both?"

Meredith tried to shove the chart back into Cristina's hands as an answer.

"Fine! Ugh, God, you're becoming a lush, you know that?"

"Bye." Meredith sang as she tucked her badge into her pocket so her new junkie-patient wouldn't swipe it as she had done with Avery's.

The patient looked better than when Meredith had last seen here, albeit her chest was cracked open and she was overdosing at the time, but still. The girl was heavily tattooed and her hair was twisted into many dreadlocks and braids, some brightly colored, others a deep brown. She was apparently sleeping right now, looking young and fragile against the pillows. Meredith went about checking her stats and gently examining the many wires and I.V.s that protruded from her.

Meredith had turned around to fill out some paperwork when the girl spoke.

"Hey."

Meredith glanced at her, seeing that she was awake, and then went back to checking the machine attached to her. "Good evening."

"Oh." The girl's speech was slow, slurred, thanks to the painkillers dripping into her bloodstream. "It's you."

"I don't think we've formally met." Meredith held her hand out close to the girls, "I'm Dr. Grey."

"I know who you are."

"Oo-kay." Meredith took her hand away with a small, uncertain smile. "Everything looks great so far. I see you had a small infection at the incision site, but that seems to be healing now. As far as I can see, the surgery to put in your pacemaker should still be scheduled for the morning, barring any unforeseen complications. Do you have any questions?"

"You know," the girl struggled to sit up, her eyes never wavering from Meredith's, "He never mentioned you until after my mom died. Never said a word."

"Excuse me?" Meredith didn't know what the girl was talking about, but out of nowhere, a small pit of anxiety began to grow in her chest.

"My mom died at Mercy West. A stomach thing. He was never the same after that. He started to drink, a lot. He was a Scotch kinda guy. Didn't know where the hell he was half of the time. Always thought I was you." The girl's voice was strong, if still a bit incoherent.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Meredith stated carefully, focusing on the girls face. She looked familiar, especially around the eyes…

"I'm talking about my father." The girl answered angrily, her eyes narrowing into furious slits. "Especially near the end, he always thought I was you." She stated again. "Called me Meredith, his Mere-Bear. But it was you he was talking to, not me."

Meredith glanced down to her chest, though she knew her name badge was in her pocket. She backed towards the door, a tight smile plastered on her face. "You're becoming agitated, I'm going to go get a nurse—"

"Thatcher. Grey." The girl spit out, tears pooling in her angry eyes. "My father. Your father."

Meredith froze her mouth opening and closing, "You're Lexie." She finally managed to whisper.

The girl stared at her, triumphant, for a moment before she slowly leaned back into the pillows, her eyes slipping shut as she fell asleep again. Meredith left the room then, her heart hammering away in her chest. She shoved the chart into the arms of the nearest nurse, mumbling something about an emergency page; Meredith ran into the nearest bathroom and emptied the contents on her stomach in the nearest toilet.

After the dry heaves ceased, panicked sobs wracked her body. Today officially sucked, even more so than she had previously thought. This was never supposed to happen; she was never supposed to meet the family that her father had left her for. Meredith wanted to kick herself, why hadn't she recognized the girl? Why?

The eyes, Meredith and the girl, Lexie, had the same eyes as their father, Thatcher Grey, a fact that was glaringly obvious now.

Meredith had ever officially met her father's other family. She had become aware of them at a young age, after Ellis had coldly thrown it out there that Thatcher had left Meredith and herself for a brighter and shiner new family. Meredith hadn't seen her father, her real father, for twenty-two years, not since he had walked out of the house that Ellis still lived in, not looking back as a five year old Meredith had sobbed at him to come home.

Meredith was aware that Thatcher was dead, as well. It was something she had not allowed herself to dwell on and wasn't even sure her mother knew of. She had found out by accident, after answering the telephone one day while she was in college. It had been Thatcher's attorney telling her that he had died and what little he had left his eldest daughter was in a lock box somewhere in downtown Seattle. Meredith had never gone to see what he had left her, though the attorney had sent her the key and a notarized letter, which were shoved somewhere in the back of her closet.

Meredith stood on wobbly feet, flushed, and left the stall, bracing herself on the sink. She splashed water into her mouth and over her face, wiping her makeup off. As she looked at herself, she couldn't help comparing herself to the fragile girl down the hall.

How different their paths in life were.

Meredith went about drying her face and taking deep, slow breaths. She made a deal with herself that she didn't have to think about her dead father and the addicted, broken girl that was her half-sister. She would worry about that later, when she was at home, alone. She would allow herself to think about this after some quality time with her tequila. That would help her cope and process whatever it was that had just happened.

She couldn't wait for this day to end.

* * *

Hours later, Meredith was finishing up the last few tasks she had to do before she went home. The rest of the night had been uneventful. Alex was still shooting her dirty looks and April had been studying her with even more curiosity. Cristina was nowhere to be found, but Meredith knew she was working an all-nighter. Meredith hadn't had a chance to go and check on Derek and she hoped that he had gone home to get some rest. She did want to talk with him, but feared that what had happened earlier with the girl, Lexie, would come tumbling out the moment she saw him.

Meredith wanted to confide in him, but feared it was just not the right time. Derek had a lot going on right now and Meredith didn't want to burden him with her strange problems. Meredith wasn't even sure she wanted to discuss what had happened today with anyone. She wanted to bury it deep down for a little while and examine it later, when she felt she would cope with it better. The best way to do that would be to focus on Derek and being there for him.

She was just about to drop of the last of her charts and she heard a crash, followed by quiet swearing and mumbling. Meredith peered down the hallway that lead to the attending's offices and saw none other than a very pregnant Addison Montgomery-Sheperd staring helplessly at the box she had dropped.

Meredith desperately wanted to walk away, to let someone else help the pregnant doctor, but a sense of propriety over took her and she headed towards the red head.

"Dr. Montgomery-Sheperd, do you need help?"

Addison looked up at her and Meredith noticed how pale the usually gorgeous woman looked. "Dr. Webber." She stated, her voice slightly surprised. "I dropped my things."

"Yes, I see." Meredith answered, glancing sideways at her. She started to kneel down to pick up the scattered objects. "Can I help you?"

"Dr. Webber, where is your mother? I wanted to speak to her." Addison asked, rubbing her upper belly and using her other hand to brace herself against the wall. She looked massively uncomfortable.

"Um, she was in meetings all day, but I believe she's gone home by now." Meredith answered; shoving Addison's belonging back into the box and standing straight. "And, it's Grey now."

"What?"

"Grey. I changed my name… Nevermind." Meredith shook her head, seeing that the older woman wasn't following her train of thought. "Is there someone else I should call for you? You look tired."

Addison laughed thinly. "No. There's no one." She paused, her gaze becoming faraway and unfocused. "I got divorced today." She murmured almost in wonder, as if she couldn't believe it herself.

"I know." Meredith blurted out before she could stop herself.

Addison's dreamy gaze sharply narrowed in on her. "You know?" She questioned. "You're the first person I've told… Derek told you? I didn't know you two were close."

Meredith felt her face freeze into a nervous smile, "It's really none of my business, Dr. Montgomery…"

"You're friends with Derek?" Addison questioned, leaning a little more heavily into the wall.

"Um…" Meredith could feel her face warming up and hoped to God she didn't look as guilty as she felt. "Yes. We're friends. Kind of."

"Are you…" Addison's skin was taking a sickly color and she seemed to sweating a little. "Are you seeing my husband? Derek?"

Meredith was saved from having to answer the woman's question by what happened next. Addison's legs seemed to give out from beneath her, her hand sliding down the wall as she fell. Meredith flung the box down and rushed to help brace the other doctors fall, feeling Addison's body jerking violently as she stumbled to the floor under her weight.

Acting on instinct, she carefully turned Addison onto her left side and held her head still, watching as the others woman's eyes rolled back, showing only the whites. The rest of her body was twitching uncontrollably and a thin stream of vomit was trailing out of her mouth.

"Oh my God…" Meredith breathed, looking down the hall and seeing no one around her. She was close enough to the nurses' station though and hoped to God someone was there. "Help! I need help, she's seizing!"

* * *

**Haven't had a chance to reply to all of the reviews, but I will. Also, a huge thank to the guest who called Alex a c*nt, oh man, that was the best review I've gotten! I'm not sure if that was a compliment or now but that seriously made my night and I am still laughing about it ;)**

**_R&R_  
**


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